peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
