did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
