How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
