This is not my ceiling
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
