Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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