She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
