Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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