we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
