Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
