I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
