he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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