Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
