Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize