There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
