I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
