sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
