we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
