How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
