Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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