We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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