i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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