It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
