i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
