dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
