there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
