The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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