I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
