Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
