1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
