After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
