So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
