Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
