sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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