PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
