I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
