I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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