There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
