i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
