Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
