have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
