dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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