I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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