Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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