another moral hangover. fuck.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
