i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize