I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
