I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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