why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
