i already hear my dad disowning me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
