I wish I could punch you in the face.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
