sarcasm needs its own font
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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