I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
