yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
