omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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