Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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