I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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