im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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