we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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