Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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