Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
