I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
